Narcissistic deflection is a sneaky tactic narcissists use to dodge responsibility and turn the tables when they’re caught in a lie or confronted about their behavior. If you’ve ever felt like you’re stuck in a conversation where your issues get twisted or ignored, chances are you’re dealing with narcissistic deflection.
It’s a mind game that can leave you questioning everything. But don’t worry—once you know how to spot it, you can stop them from pulling the wool over your eyes.
Today, we are going to talk about deflection tactics used by narcissists, what is the meaning of deflection and why do narcissists deflect in the first place.
Let’s start with trying to understand the meaning of deflection.
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What is Narcissistic Deflection?
Narcissistic deflection is a tactic where a narcissist shifts the blame or changes the topic to avoid responsibility. Instead of owning up to mistakes or addressing problems, they’ll redirect the conversation to something or someone else.
Whether they gaslight you, accuse you of things you didn’t do, or just play dumb, their deflection tactics helps them maintain their perfect image and dodge any accountability.
Deflecting in an argument is a manipulation strategy, pure and simple, and it keeps them in control of the conversation. The more they use it, the more it makes you question your own perspective.
Now that we have talked about the meaning of deflection, let’s look at the signs of narcissistic deflection.
10 Signs of Narcissistic Deflection
1. Changing the Subject
One minute you’re talking about how they let you down, and the next minute, they’re rambling about their “crazy day at work” or how “everyone else” has it easier than them. This is one of their many classic deflection tactics.
By shifting the focus, they avoid confronting the real issue—usually their behavior or lack of consideration for your feelings.
Before you know it, the problem you brought up is completely forgotten, and they’ve got you talking about something else.
2. Blaming You for Everything
If you ever get the feeling that no matter what happens, it’s always your fault, you’re dealing with a narcissistic deflection. They’ll take something they did wrong and twist it into something you did.
For example, if they’re late, they’ll accuse you of being impatient or making them feel rushed. The more they deflect blame onto you, the less they have to deal with their own mistakes. It’s all about keeping their ego intact.
3. Playing the Victim
This is one of their favorite deflection tactics. No matter how selfish or hurtful their actions were, they’ll make themselves the victim of the situation. They might say things like, “I didn’t deserve this!” or “You don’t know what I’m going through!”
Instead of focusing on their behavior, you’re now feeling bad for them. This tactic distracts from their lack of accountability and redirects all the attention onto their emotions, making you feel guilty instead of them.
4. Gaslighting You
When it comes to a narcissist and deflection, gaslighting is one of their all-time favorite things to do. Gaslighting is when they deny things you know happened, making you second-guess yourself.
If you confront a narcissist about something they did, they might act like it never happened or say, “You’re just being too sensitive.” This not only deflects the issue but also makes you feel like you’re losing your mind.
It’s an effective way for them to make you question your version of events and keep them in the clear.
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5. Turning to Humor or Sarcasm
When things get too real, they might deflect with a joke or sarcasm. This is one of those narcissistic tactics, where if you’re trying to have a serious conversation, they’ll turn it into a laugh.
They might say something like, “Oh wow, here comes the drama!” or “Lighten up, it’s not that big a deal.”
By belittling your concerns, they take the focus off their behavior and make you feel like you’re overreacting, when in reality, you have every right to be upset.
6. Flattering You to Distract You
It sounds strange, but narcissists are master manipulators. If you’re confronting them about something they’ve done wrong, they might suddenly shower you with compliments.
They might say, “You’re the only one who gets me!” or “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” It’s a way to distract you from the problem at hand and make you feel so special that you forget why you were upset in the first place.
7. Pretending to Be Confused
If you confront them with a point they can’t deny, they might act like they have no idea what you’re talking about. “Wait, I didn’t know that upset you,” or “I’m not sure I understand the problem.”
One of the classic narcissistic deflection tactics, it’s a sneaky way to buy time, confuse you, and make you do the emotional labor of explaining everything again. They don’t want to take responsibility—they just want to avoid it by making you do all the work.
8. Bombarding You with “Evidence”
If you have a problem with them, they might flood you with irrelevant facts or “evidence” to make themselves look right. They might throw out random statistics, talk about their past “good deeds,” or mention unrelated things they’ve done.
They bombard you with information because they try to distract you from the real issue and make it hard for you to focus on what’s important. It’s all about keeping control of the conversation.
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9. Bringing Up Past Mistakes
Caught in the act? No problem. They’ll bring up your past mistakes, no matter how unrelated they are to the current situation. If they’ve been caught doing something wrong, suddenly, it’s all about your past errors.
They do this while deflecting in an argument and shift the conversation from their current wrongdoings and put the focus back on you. It’s a way to shift blame and make you feel defensive, even though you’re not the one in the wrong.
10. Denying Things They Said or Did
If you catch them in a lie or point out something they said, they might deny ever saying it. “I never said that!” or “That’s not what I meant!” Even if you remember it clearly or have proof, they’ll double down.
One of the worst deflection tactics out there, this confuses you and makes you question your own memory, which shifts the focus away from their lie or mistake to your “misunderstanding.”
It’s all about making you doubt your reality.
Lastly, let’s talk a bit about deflection psychology.
Why Do Narcissists Deflect?
As far as deflection psychology is concerned, narcissists deflect because it helps them maintain their fragile sense of self-importance. They can’t handle criticism or the idea that they might be wrong, so they use deflection as a shield.
Taking responsibility or admitting faults would mean acknowledging that they’re not perfect, and that’s simply unacceptable to them. By deflecting, they protect their ego and avoid any vulnerability.
For them, it’s all about control, and deflection is one of the most effective ways to keep things in their favor.
Bottomline
Narcissistic deflection is frustrating to say the least, but once you recognize it, you can stop them from manipulating the situation every time.
Related: How to Make a Narcissist Miserable: 9 Ways to Flip the Script
Keep an eye out for these sneaky narcissistic tactics, stay grounded in your own truth, and don’t let their deflection games derail you. You deserve to have your feelings heard without all the spin.
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